Why? -The Path and Making Sense of It

My path has been “interesting” the last few months.  I haven’t been blogging about it though.  I’ve hit both the highs and the lows.  I rode in the MS bike tour in September – the “short” routes – about 50 miles a day.  I finished with a good average pace – better than expected.   A week or so later, I went into a situation where I lost a lot of blood and my hematocrit dropped precipitously.  I went from riding 50 miles in good form to getting out of breath walking half a mile to pick up my mail.   That situation is normalizing.  In the interim, I seem to have lost my normal ability to walk.  This MS / TBI stuff  is being choreographed by someone with a weird sense of humor.  Another reminder to live forward.  Didn’t realize I was due for another reminder…

A man dies and enters heaven.  There, God shows him the path of his life, seen as footprints in the sand.  For most of the path, there are two sets of footprints side by side.  At some points, there is only one set.  The man comes to understand that God was walking beside him for most of his life.  He didn’t understand the times when he saw the single set of foot prints and asked God why He left him on his own, all alone.  “I never left you alone,” came God’s reply.  “Where you see only one set of footprints are the times when I carried you.”

I don’t know your beliefs, but this pretty well describes mine.  I flat-lined briefly in the hospital in early 2006.  They had to jump-start my heart.  A devout religious friend questioned me about my experience – did I see God or what?  I told him that I didn’t see a long tunnel with a light at the end or anyone with a beard, long hair and flowing robes and I didn’t hear a booming voice calling to me.  I did have a sense of knowing that everything was alright, no matter what my finite vision showed me.

I’ve tried to make sense out of this, to fit it into the framework of the paradigm that I held, but paradigms don’t stretch.  They shatter, allowing for a new birth, new thought.  The only thing I can suggest to do when faced with a situation such as this, is to look to your children.  The answer – ineffable – lies in their faces and their eyes.  You’ll see it.  You’ll know it.